Hello, Radiant Warriors,

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Life has its challenges, and one of the toughest can be our relationships. Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations where being with someone feels lonelier than actually being alone.

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In the grand tapestry of life, what if we were presented with only two stark choices: to live entirely alone or to live with someone who makes us feel perpetually isolated? This predicament, while seemingly hypothetical, mirrors the realities of many. It throws light on the depth of human connections and what truly defines loneliness.

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The Shadows of the Wrong Company

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Living with an alcoholic partner meant unpredictability was the norm. One day, everything appears harmonious, and the next, caution dominates every interaction. This back and forth, from being fearful to feeling loved, can be mentally exhausting. It's hard to find stability when things change so rapidly.

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Even when you're with someone, it's possible to feel completely isolated. It's odd how the one person who should make you feel secure and loved can also be the reason you feel so distant. This kind of relationship can make home, a place that should be comforting, feel uncertain.

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The Loneliness of Motherhood

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This brings me to another point. Raising four children, one of whom has a disability, as a single parent only exacerbated the feelings of isolation. Though my home buzzed with the unmistakable energy of boys being boys – filled with laughter, chatter, playful wrestling, crying, and the occasional shouts – a quiet undertow of solitude persisted. Living with an alcoholic partner introduced another layer of complexity.

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To maintain some semblance of peace, I often found myself controlling my children's behaviours, and in moments of overwhelming frustration, I took it out on them. This emotional turmoil was compounded by the fact that I was the sole disciplinarian, a role that added yet another weight on my shoulders. Every time I had to reprimand or correct them, it would tear me apart inside, knowing deep down that none of this tumult was their fault.

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Amidst the vibrant chaos and the challenging dynamics, a lingering feeling of aloneness was paradoxically ever-present, a sentiment that's challenging to put into words.

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If There Were Only Two Choices:

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Back to hypothetically speaking, if life presented only two options – to either live alone or with someone who's hard to predict, the decision isn't actually that simple. Many people, fear the idea of being alone. It's natural to want to connect with others. But when the dynamics of a relationship causes more turmoil than joy, choosing mental well-being by being alone seems the more viable option, not just for you but your children as well.

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Raising four boys, each with their own needs, challenges, and personalities, is no walk in the park. However, even with the demanding journey of single parenting, my choice would still be to embrace solitude. Living alone doesn't necessarily mean living lonely. Genuine contentment comes from within, and solitude provides the space to nurture that inner joy. In contrast, living with the wrong person, especially in tumultuous relationships is detrimental to our mental wellbeing.

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Given the two scenarios, I would choose the challenges of raising my boys on my own over the emotional strain of living in a unpredictable environment.

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In Conclusion:

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Life, in its unpredictable beauty, doesn't often give us clear choices. But in this hypothetical scenario, the decision leans towards preserving one's mental and emotional well-being, which will also provide a healthier environment for your children mental wellness.

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The emotional cost of companionship, especially when it leaves one feeling lonely, outweighs its benefits and in such times, solitude becomes more than just a state; it's a sanctuary for mental well being. For those treading this challenging path, remember that self-love, self-preservation, and the sanctity of the soul and mind are paramount.

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Keep shining your light,